If you have your eye on someone but are too nervous to ask them out on a date, getting together with small groups of mutual friends may be an ideal solution. This can break the ice or help to avoid those potential awkward silences that happen when you don’t know each other well enough to know what to say next. Also, since you have some of the same friends, you already know what type of people each other enjoys hanging out with.
A tasteful bar or a trendy restaurant would be a good choice for a group date. Just make sure the location you choose is not so loud that no one can hear each other, since conversation in a group can already be challenging to keep up with. You should make it a point to talk with everyone, especially the person you are interested in.
If possible, try to find an opportunity to have a few minutes alone with your love interest. For example, you could ask them to walk to the bar with you and carry drinks back to the table. This will give you the chance to talk a little bit without everyone else listening in. Just a note of caution here, if your group date is at a bar, make sure everyone is on their best behaviour. Nothing can ruin an evening faster than several people being overly intoxicated.
Assuming everything went well with the group date and you would like to see this person one on one, or that you felt brave enough to have skipped the whole group scene altogether, you may be wondering what to do next. Well, one of you is going to have to ask the other out. There’s no way around that. If you are the one to extend the invitation, make it for a public location such as another restaurant. This will give you plenty of time to talk and get to know each other better. You may find that meeting for lunch is the best option since it is during the day and you are less likely to feel as pressured as you might with an evening date.
So what do you talk about? One way to get started is by offering your date a compliment. Everyone likes to hear that they look nice, so if you are thinking this, feel free to share it. Ask your date open-ended questions about themselves to get the conversation going. Be sure to listen attentively and consider repeating back one or two key phrases your date mentioned just to show that you find them interesting. However, don’t put all of the burden on them to do the talking. Aim for an equal mix of listening and talking for the first meeting.
It is very important to avoid complaints about other people or show a general negative attitude. This isn’t the time to bemoan how terrible your ex treated you, that you have a lousy job or that you suffered through a tragic childhood. Always remain positive and upbeat, no matter how great the temptation to let your date know how much you hope they are better than the last loser you dated. Save that kind of venting for your friends, and just focus on getting to know the person you are interested in.
Both group dates and one dates have their advantages and disadvantages, so you may want to experiment with both until you find just the right mix for your dating style.